someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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