I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
