She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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