just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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