I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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