I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
