i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
