How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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