Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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