If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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