I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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