first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize