Banned from zoo.
Again?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
