i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
