peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
