I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
