I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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