just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
