He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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