Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
