it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
