my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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