69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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