Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
