From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can you bring me the toilet please
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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