So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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