I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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