Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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