y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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