I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize