Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
