I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
