if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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