Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
