i can't believe i had my finger in that
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
