I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
