So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
