If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
