If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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