Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
