I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
