i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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