I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
