You just made me feel so damn special
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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