your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
