chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just threw up on my dentist
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
