There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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