well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I will pee on everything he values.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
