I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
