This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
