whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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