How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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