You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
