How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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