im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
