Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
