Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish I only lived at night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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