If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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