Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
