Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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