she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize