I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he fucked my hip out of place.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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