gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
