There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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