You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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