oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
