I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
