forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
